My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
