if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
