I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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