Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
