I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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