They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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