i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
