Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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