I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
