in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
