Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was like eating out sand paper
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
