they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
