everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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