How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
