He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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