My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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