do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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