Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
