The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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