4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
