I can tuck mytits in my pants
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
