Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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