you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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