Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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