You made me cry and you don't even care
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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