Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
