Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
