I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
