Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
