can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
