meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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