I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize