I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize