The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
