The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
