he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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