He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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