Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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