please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
