What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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