I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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