Duck Duck Cougar?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
