There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
