These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
