is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
