Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
