It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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