how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
