Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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