3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
