OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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