I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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