hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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