the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
