I skipped work to stalk him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
