sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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