Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
