Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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