PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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