woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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