"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
