I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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