I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
