lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
