The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
