If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
