I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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