I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
