I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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