did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
