So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
