I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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