Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i barfeds in our rink
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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