He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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