I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
