all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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