I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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