why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
