I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize