I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize