I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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