1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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