Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Someone came in the potted fern
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
