alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
