i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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