farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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