His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
