Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
