I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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