lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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