my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
