I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They took my balls.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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