I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
