so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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