i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
