So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
