It's like God shit irony all over that family
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize