Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
