dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
