He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
