youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
